Bobby said he wants to write about his experiences with his crazy wife. He said no one would believe him if he wrote or even told anyone the things that have gone on in his life. Except me. I believe him. Bobby figures as a story, it could pass as weird fiction. He said he played around with beginning a story of a routine incident, that is pretty mild, just to get things started. Routine incident, is how Bobby put it. Those are like when a bolt of lightening strikes a tree next you when it’s a perfectly wonderful day, all blue sky with no clouds. Bobby’s story begins like this:
“It’s a small world after all.” Luke was dozing off. He thought he heard the song playing from the Disney ride, thought he was on it. That nice gentle ride with music from countries all across the world. Soothing. Calming. Dozing off.
It’s a small world, it’s a small world
It’s a small world, it’s a small world
It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears
It’s a world of hope and a world of fears
There’s so much that we share, that it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all.
“You need to tell him he wears too much cologne.” From where did that come?
“I haven’t noticed,” Luke said. “If you don’t like it, tell him.”
The bump Luke felt next jolted him upright in his seat. He wasn’t on the Small World ride. This was Space Mountain and the cars had reached the top.
“I SAID YOU NEED TO TELL HIM,” she spat, venom drooling down her chin.
“IT’S YOUR JOB AS HIS FATHER TO TELL HIM THAT HE SMELLS HORRIBLE AND. . .”
Luke’s rollercoaster car was now dropping downward, picking up speed, and he was still groggy from his nap. The car headed for the first and biggest curve.
“Well, I don’t notice any smell,” Luke said. “Perhaps you’re just a bit over sensitive.”
Screams as everyone on the first rollercoaster car were thrust to the right. Luke’s car lurched up, down, then it felt as though it would fly off the track. Luke was awake now. He grasped the rail as he was flung to the right.
“MAYBE IT’S THE WAY YOU DO HIS LAUNDRY,” Luke’s wife screamed louder than if she’d really been on a rollercoaster ride.
Woosh! Luke’s wife heading for front door. Whump! The front door slams shut.
“Hope the door didn’t hit you in the butt on your way out,” mumbled Luke
When I spoke with Bobby, he said his wife was still not speaking with him, and it had been three days. He told me it it will all be over in another day. That was a small rollercoaster ride. Major blow ups take a lot longer to get under control.
I asked Bobby once why he didn’t do something about his wife’s behavior. He said he read about personal boundaries, and even tried them. It made things worse for him. Eventually Bobby will leave his wife—once the kids are old enough to be on their own. He said there is no way he’d leave the kids with someone as crazy as she is to fend for themselves.
Bobby’s wife’s behavior isn’t at all uncommon. There are about 14 million Americans like her—with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). According to the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder this disorder “occurs in the context of relationships: sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood.”
“While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private lives may be in turmoil. Most people who have BPD suffer from problems regulating their emotions and thoughts, impulsive and sometimes reckless behavior, and unstable relationships.
“Other disorders, such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse and other personality disorders can often exist along with BPD.”
What about treatment, I once asked Bobby. He told me it was sorta like the psychiatrist and the light bulb joke. Heard it? How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to be willing to change.
BPD affects both men and women. It is women that fair the worse and they are the ones most heard about. Men with BPD can be physically as well as emotionally abusive. We don’t hear as often about men in relationships with BPD women. It’s difficult for a man to admit a woman literally rules his days and nights.
Christian women often have it very bad. They are often told by their pastors and other church members, that they must submit themselves to such treatment, because it is somehow Biblical. Bobby said he’s of the opinion that any pastor or Christian that says anyone must submit to abuse is totally out of line, not walking with the Lord, and shouldn’t be paid any attention. He says those people will be judged. Harshly.
Lord Bless, Keep, Shine. . .